Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Resolve Waning?

So, here I am on day 3, and I’m already starting to feel slightly less committed.  To be honest, I think it’s because I’ve really been feeling like I’ve done great the last couple days, but I made a critical mistake in weighing myself this morning.  It is so defeating to feel like you’ve made some good changes, and then see that the scale is up – more than a pound.  Seriously, how could I have gained more than a pound in one day? 

I was sitting in an 11:00 meeting this morning and after 10 minutes, my brain was consumed by the thought of going to get Mexican food for lunch - even though I brought my own tasty, healthy meal to eat.  Do you ever hear your inner dialog argue with itself? 

“I’ll just go grab some Mexican food”
“No, you brought lunch”
“Well, I’ve done so good the past couple days, it won’t matter anyway”
“Yes, it will. That’s just over processed junk food.  You have real food at your desk.”
“Maybe it’s good to plan a cheat day.  Maybe today should be my cheat day.”
“Ok, how about if I do good the rest of this week, I can splurge on Mexican on Friday.”
 (that last part was inner me giving a disappointed look to itself)

Well, I won’t keep you in suspense – I did not cave in.  I enjoyed my healthy leftovers for lunch.  And I’m just trying to say to myself, “Screw that scale, it doesn’t even know what it’s talking about.”

I find that I really want to sign up for one of the monetary motivators, but I am really, really scared that I won’t meet my goal.  What if I do the year long plan to get to a healthy BMI and don’t do it?  I'd have to weigh 142 to be at a healthy BMI.  I have not weighed 142 since at least my freshman year of high school, possibly middle school.  Is it really possible that I could be that weight as an adult? 

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