10 Miler Complete!

I'm so excited to say that I officially finished the 10 miler today! I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but, I finished in about 2 hours and 30 minutes. I ran most of the first half, and walked most of the second half. Miles 4 and 5 were the hardest - in the sun, on hot pavement, yucky scenery along Shepard Road. I finished 2nd to last. In the second half, I walked a bit with the girl who came in last. My husband joined me on the 2nd half and helped pull me through.

I really really wanted to quit at the halfway point, but my husband and friends encouraged me to stick with it.

I'm sorry this post is so discombobulated, but my friend and I are rushing out the door to leave for our Vegas reward! Sooo, I'll try and write a better post when I return next Thursday!

Hope everyone has a fun and healthy Memorial Day!

T minus 48 hours

Well, friends, this will be my last post before the big 10 mile run. 48 hours from now, I'll be starting the race. It’s hard to believe it’s been 6 months since this crazy idea popped into my head. I know I really didn’t train up to my full potential and I only got serious about it these last two months, but I am confident that I will be able to run more than half of it and I know now that I can finish it without dying.

I think what I’ve learned from this process is that what I had always held up as being out of my reach, in reality is right in front of me. I used to think, “Oh, if I could just get on the treadmill and run for 30 minutes straight!” Now I can do that and more. I thought the only people who could run 5 miles a day were athletes – stronger, and better than I could ever be. And now I see that strength in myself.

Today I’m wearing a skirt and this morning I looked down at my legs – the same legs I disparaged for being too fat to fit into knee high boots last fall – and thought, “I love my legs – look at how strong they are!”

People are so obsessed with comparing themselves to others - myself included. But, I’m trying to learn that other people’s goals and successes are theirs and theirs alone. I can’t measure my achievement against what other people have already done. This is MY life, and these are MY goals and nothing that anyone else says or does is going to take this away from me.

When I tell people that I’m running in a 10 mile race this weekend, I get a variety of reactions. Some people are surprised that I (obese and un-athletic) might possibly do such a thing, “Wow! Really?” I think that some are in such disbelief that they act as if I just said, “I’m going to the grocery store,” and they make no comment at all and change the subject. Maybe they are thinking, “Did she just say what I think she said? I must have misunderstood…” Some (my mother) are overly enthusiastic (“I think it’s SOOOO, SO, SO GREAT that you are doing this”), leading me to believe that they don’t think I can or will do it. And some people don’t know the difference between 10 kilometers and 10 miles.

But, the people closest to me, the people who really know me realize what a huge thing this is and they believe that I can do it. That means so much more to me than anything else. For me, running 10 miles is a major accomplishment and I won’t minimize my pride in finishing what I’ve started.

After the race, I'm going on vacation, so I won't have any posts for a few more days. But, as soon as I can, I'll post an update for you! Have a great Memorial Day weekend!

It's not the heat, it's the humidity...

So, yesterday, I had a planned 8 miler to train for the big 10 mile race this Sunday. Husband and I left the house around 7 to try to beat the heat – we did not succeed. It was so ungodly hot and humid out, I was massively uncomfortable. We did about a mile and I stopped and cried. “What if it’s this hot next weekend? I’ll never be able to finish…” We walked for a little bit and I got myself together and we ran again – this time for about a mile and a half before I called it quits. I decided I didn’t want to continue with the planned run and we went home. As soon as we got home, I did 2 miles on my treadmill. My legs felt fine and I’m not sore at all today, but the heat just exhausted me.

I can see now that even though I *thought* I was well hydrated, I was not even close. I just didn’t realize how vastly different running in heat would be – I mean, I thought it would be uncomfortable, but not debilitating.

There is a very good possibility that the 10 miler will also be humid – and I really need to make a plan for dealing with it. First, I really need to up my hydration starting now. I’ve been avoiding buying a belt to hold water bottles because I didn’t want to carry the extra weight on my run, but now I know I need to suck it up and do it anyway. I’ll fill the water bottles with ice water and Gatorade. Also, I think I will plan to run 2 miles, walk 1 minute, and run 2 miles, etc. Hopefully I can stay ahead hydration wise and have a successful run. I’m still nervous, but breaking it down into a plan really helps me feel more calm about it.

At my weigh-in this weekend, I was down! I’m soooo close to the 10 lb mark now. That was a really nice thing to see.

Time keeps on tickin....

On Wednesday, I was in Chicago for one day of training for work. It was a very fast trip. I flew in Tuesday night and flew out Wednesday afternoon. My eating choices were not stellar while I was there. However, I did overcome a big fear – I packed my workout clothes and I got up early Wednesday morning for a treadmill run in the hotel’s fitness center. Working out while on vacation is something I always struggle with. Often, I’ll pack my workout clothes, but they won’t be used at all. But on this trip, I got them nice and sweaty.

Yesterday I should have been back in my regular routine, but honestly, I was just worn out. I got my period (which is a good sign that things are starting to regulate in that aspect) and I was just all emotional and feeling icky. When you have been on the pill for 10+ years like I was, you kind of forget what a “normal” period is like. While on the pill, I never had cramps and never felt emotional or crabby. But, now that I’m off, it’s a whole different story. Yesterday morning I felt so awful, I almost went home.

So, I didn’t run last night. But, my plan is to run tonight. Then, I’ll have a long run on Sunday. Hopefully, it won’t be too humid and sticky out. I’m really scared of these long runs. The 10-miler is one week from this Sunday! I can’t believe how fast it’s come up. I wish I could just stop time and give myself 4 more weeks…

Before I head off for the weekend, thought I’d share with you all that another co-worker asked me how much weight I’ve lost. I can’t really believe that people see a difference in my body, but I guess that they are, and that feels good to hear.

Hiroshima

The song has nothing to do with today's post...I just like it. No video, but at least you can listen to it:




I think I’ve gotten complacent. What once made me feel like an icy glass of water had been thrown in my face now doesn’t feel so shocking. It’s like I’ve gotten used to the idea that someone would look at me and think that I’m pregnant. All the emotions that led me to start this blog - The extreme embarrassment, the anger, the motivation – have definitely waned.

I look back at week one and I worked out like 6 days that week. Now I’m doing around 3-4. I tracked every morsel of food. Now I’m tracking food only a day or two each week.

I will say that I’ve been really focused on training for the 10 miler I have coming up. I’m running a lot more and my body has definitely been craving more fuel. And really, just being able to finish the 10 miles is a higher priority to me right now than losing pounds. So, honestly, I don’t expect too much of myself in the weight loss realm until after the 10 miler is done. It’s only 13 days away!! Ahhh! I can’t believe I signed up for this and it’s already almost here!

One of my co-workers asked me how much I’ve lost since I started running because she noticed my clothes were looser. I was really surprised to hear that because they really don’t feel looser and I haven’t even hit my 10 lb mark yet. So, I think she was just being nice. Although, this morning the scale hit a new low, I was surprised and happy to see. Maybe I’m breaking free of the +.4/-.4 pattern…

Ups and Downs

Monday morning is here again. I had an okay weekend, not great. Friday night was my 10 year college reunion. There were a total of 6 (yep, SIX) people from my class there. Four of which, I see on a regular basis. So, that was kind of a bust. It was fun walking around campus and reliving some old memories, though.

Saturday, husband and I went out and ran some errands. I wanted to get some new running gear (shoes, new sports bra, gels for long runs) and husband wanted to get some Vibram Five Finger shoes. If you haven’t heard of these, they are very popular with the barefoot running clique. He has yet to try them in a real world scenario, so I’ll have to keep you updated on if he likes them.

Sunday, after procrastinating all morning, I finally laced up my new cushy shoes (no five fingers for me yet) and headed down to my treadmill for a planned 6 miler. In short, it sucked. I had some shooting pains in my left knee and my right heel and just felt exhausted overall. So, I jogged a half mile and quit. I hope that it’s just the new shoes that are causing me pain. I’m going to try a run tonight with my “old” shoes and see how that goes. I guess some days are good running days and some aren’t. I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not worried about this stuff though. I have 2 weeks until the 10 mile race I’m signed up for and I am scared shitless.

I have to say that I’m really, really, disappointed about the numbers I’m seeing on the scale. The last few weeks it’s been like up .4, down .4. And I really feel like I’ve been taking it pretty easy with the food choices. But, I will concede that I still haven’t gotten back into tracking on SparkPeople. So, maybe that’s my snag. It’s really very disheartening though.

Run, Fat Girl, Run!

Another weekend come and gone. I had a good weekend, actually. The scale was up on Saturday – quite unfairly in my estimation, but then again, I didn’t track my food most of last week, so maybe this is my lesson.

Saturday morning, I met up with one of my good friends for a run around Lake Harriet in Minneapolis. Lake Harriet is 2.75 miles around and my goal was a 5-6 miler. We did one lap and I needed a break, so we walked for a bit and then I just didn’t have it in me to start up again. The run felt good, but I was disappointed and worried that I hadn’t met my goal. I have a ten mile race coming up at the end of May and I am really scared that I’m not in the condition I need to be to finish it. Also, the majority of my runs have been inside on my lovely treadmill, and I feel like I need to get used to running outside before the race.

Take Two:

So, Sunday, I recruited my husband to go back to Lake Harriet with me to try my 6 miler again. This time my strategy was to go as slow as I needed to and after 1 lap, stop back at the car to rehydrate and lose a layer of t-shirt. And, it was a success! I completed my first ever 6 mile run yesterday!!! There were times when it wasn’t easy. When I first realized that my husband was wearing out (around mile 4), that really got to me psychologically. But, I pushed that aside and kept going. And the last ½ mile was hard because we had to pass the point where the car was parked, and it was so very tempting to just stop there and call it good at 5.5 miles. It still seems so surreal to think that I actually did it. I’m just so proud of myself.

I’m quite sore from yesterday’s run, but not immobilized. I have a little bit of knee pain, so I was icing most of last night. I could do with a second or third ice pack on hand, I think.

I’m really happy with the progress I’ve made in my activity, but I am disappointed that the numbers on the scale are creeping down so slowly. Am I eating too much? Am I not eating enough? I’ve had the thought of, “oh, well you are probably replacing some of that fat with muscle” but honestly, I hate that statement – it seems like such an excuse.

Fearless

Although the week started out pretty bleak & I didn’t work out Monday, I managed to eke out a 3 miler on Tuesday. And then last night, I did 4 for the first time. I did take a little walking break at the 2 mile mark, but am still proud of my 4 miles. I’m starting to get a little concerned that I haven’t done any of my running outside, so tomorrow I’m meeting up with one of my good friends for what I hope will be a 5-6 miler around one of the lakes in our fair city.

I have not been logging any of my meals on SparkPeople this week, although I’ve tried to be really careful and aware of what I’m eating. But, I know that unless I’m really tracking what I eat, I’m setting myself up for failure.

Actually, as I was typing the above paragraph, I thought, “yeah, I’ll start tracking again on Monday” and then it occurred to me that there is no reason I can’t start tracking right now. Sometimes I’m so worried about what the numbers *might* be, that I would rather bury my head in the sand. So, I just tracked my plan for today. I was kind of afraid to because I just indulged in some cheesy hash browns from our company cafeteria AND I’m going out to lunch today with my coworkers, so I just assumed that I would be way over my calories for the day. But once I looked at the nutritional info, I realized that with a couple of minor tweaks to my plan, I CAN stay within my calories today – and that’s pretty awesome.

On Tuesday, before my 3 miler, I was trying to talk myself into doing it. Just thinking a lot about why I hesitate to do things that are good for my body. It started me thinking about my fear of running outside. And I think mostly it’s because outside I feel so exposed. Like the whole world is going to see this fat girl huffing and puffing along and they will judge me. And I realized that what I need is bravery. I want to take everything that I’m unsure about and face it head on. I want to be fearless.

My life is a re-run

If you eat shitty, you feel shitty. Funny how that works, isn’t it? I had a way overindulgent weekend that I feel really guilty about. I didn’t run – actually didn’t work out at all – and husband and I ate out 4 times, and I wasn’t selective about my food choices even once. So, I feel like crap not only physically, but also mentally. I wonder how many times I’ll have to re-learn this lesson.

I also drank way too much on Friday night – which I’m sure contributed in part to my poor eating decisions. But, it seems that every time I drink too much, the next morning I’m saying to myself, “I’m never drinking again” and then two or three weeks later, there I am, in the same position.

It’s weird how I live the same pattern over and over again. I don’t like this pattern, so why can’t I break it? How do I create a new pattern and get out of this cycle for good?