Fearless

Although the week started out pretty bleak & I didn’t work out Monday, I managed to eke out a 3 miler on Tuesday. And then last night, I did 4 for the first time. I did take a little walking break at the 2 mile mark, but am still proud of my 4 miles. I’m starting to get a little concerned that I haven’t done any of my running outside, so tomorrow I’m meeting up with one of my good friends for what I hope will be a 5-6 miler around one of the lakes in our fair city.

I have not been logging any of my meals on SparkPeople this week, although I’ve tried to be really careful and aware of what I’m eating. But, I know that unless I’m really tracking what I eat, I’m setting myself up for failure.

Actually, as I was typing the above paragraph, I thought, “yeah, I’ll start tracking again on Monday” and then it occurred to me that there is no reason I can’t start tracking right now. Sometimes I’m so worried about what the numbers *might* be, that I would rather bury my head in the sand. So, I just tracked my plan for today. I was kind of afraid to because I just indulged in some cheesy hash browns from our company cafeteria AND I’m going out to lunch today with my coworkers, so I just assumed that I would be way over my calories for the day. But once I looked at the nutritional info, I realized that with a couple of minor tweaks to my plan, I CAN stay within my calories today – and that’s pretty awesome.

On Tuesday, before my 3 miler, I was trying to talk myself into doing it. Just thinking a lot about why I hesitate to do things that are good for my body. It started me thinking about my fear of running outside. And I think mostly it’s because outside I feel so exposed. Like the whole world is going to see this fat girl huffing and puffing along and they will judge me. And I realized that what I need is bravery. I want to take everything that I’m unsure about and face it head on. I want to be fearless.