Thursday, December 31, 2009

Another year over...

Hi everyone! Happy New Year's Eve! I can hardly believe that 2009 is already coming to a close.  In a year, (and probably in ten years) I'll be saying the exact same thing.  :)

I've been reflecting a little on the last decade.  So, here, in no particular order, are some of the things that have happened in the last 10 years:

-Lived in Billings, MT, Madison, WI, Austin, TX, and St. Paul, MN
-Moved a total of 7 times
-Stumbled around with my career a bit - not quite sure I'm finished doing that
-Met J, got married 5ish years later
-Ran my first 5K
-Traveled to Mexico, Monaco, France, Italy, Spain, Tunisia, Sicily, and a whole bunch of US States
-Said goodbye to my kitty
-Lost 30 lbs, gained back 60(!)
-Bought our first house

Those are pretty much the highlights, I think.  How fast a decade goes.  I'm just thinking about all of the emotions that are wrapped up in that one little list. 

I've also been floating around some of my goals for 2010.  Weight loss is, of course, the obligatory goal year after year - and actually, the last two years, my goal has been that weight loss NOT be a goal for the following year.  Alas, I'm going to add it to the top of the list:

-Reach and maintain a healthy weight
-Log 300 miles running in 2010
-Start a new daily walking habit
-Floss everyday
-Be better about keeping in touch with friends & relatives

There probably is little need to elaborate on anything in that list, but I do just want to make a couple of quick notes - the new daily walking habit is something I'd like to try - just 30 minutes of walking everyday.  Nothing stressful, no expectations, but just 30 min of walking. 
And, the 300 running miles logged should be an interesting challenge.  :)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Y: Day 1

Hi all! Sorry I didn't get a chance to post yesterday, but I did want to tell you, I went to the Y for the first time on Monday night! It went really well. :)

My 30 minute workout DID end up taking me about 2 hours total, but I think that was mostly because I needed to get my ID card picture taken and printed, and get everything set up in my locker...just that putzy stuff that I won't need to do from now on.  Oh, and I did relax in the sauna for about 20 minutes :)

The workout itself was just okay.  I had intended to do an elliptical workout, but the machines that were available wouldn't turn on, so I ended up on a treadmill (which is slightly ironic since the reason I joined the Y was so I could get in workouts that are different from my treadmill workout at home).  But, it felt good to get moving and I feel like I've gotten over a hurdle just by getting there. 

There were some things I need that I hadn't thought about (i.e. shower shoes).  I think it'd be nice to have some sort of caddy for my locker too, but for the most part, I have all the stuff I need right there in my locker. 

Also, it's been so long since I've been in a gym environment, I've forgotten what it's like to be naked around other naked people.  I'm sure it isn't just me that feels this way, but I wonder why it seems that other people seem so very happy and content being naked in a locker room, and I am so UNcomfortable being naked.  Maybe that awkwardness just dissipates with time....


As I think I've mentioned, our family starts arriving tomorrow night for the holiday.  I'm really looking forward to it, but I haven't been able to think about much else other than what needs to be done around the house before they get here.  I'm actually taking tomorrow off work so I can get some things done.


I realized I haven't updated you all on my water goal for December - I'm doing great on it! Since the 3rd, I've only missed one day of meeting my water goal, so I'm feeling pretty good. It was a good goal to set for this crazy busy month :)


Once a month, J and I and some friends go to Kieran's for trivia.  Tonight happens to be trivia night.  We used to be in the top 5 teams pretty consistently, but either the questions have gotten harder, the competition has gotten stiffer, or we've gotten dumber because we've slipped down to the middle of the pack.  That's alright, though, it's still a ton of fun :)

Ok, that's all for today - I'll try for at least one more update before the holiday!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Living in the future

You know how sometimes people say they are living in the past? Well, I live my life in the future.  I'm always thinking about tomorrow, next week, next month.  Things I'm going to do, want to do, need to do.  Always making plans.  I'm now in full holiday mode - our family starts arriving this Thursday and will be with us until the 27th.  I've got all kinds of things to do around the house to get it ready for the company.  So, I was knee deep in planning mode this morning, and all of a sudden thought about how the holidays are already in progress and I should take a moment to just enjoy it and appreciate it. 

I think that the future living makes me a little zombie-ish in my day to day life.  Like, I'm just going through the motions today so I can get to tomorrow. 

Of course, this happens with my health goals too - I'll start that diet tomorrow, next Monday, after things die's like the Scarlett O'Hara syndrome - I won't think about it now...I'll think about it tomorrow. 

But, I'm working on it and am trying to be more mindful of living today.

The Y

So, I'm starting at the Y tonight! I'm nervous and excited.  I hope it's not too crowded.  I thought I would do an elliptical workout tonight - I'll be sure to update you.

The Mississippi Ten Miler training has not been happening and I'm fighting really hard not to berate myself over it.  I can't change the past and what I have not done.  I know it's a combination of laziness and fear that holds me back.  I think I'm always waiting for my fairy godmother to swoop in and change me into an athletic, fit, happy person who has no doubts about her abilities.

I'm getting a little nervous about the run because I haven't found any concrete posting about when it's happening, although it's been on the Sunday before Memorial Day the last few years, so hopefully this year isn't any different. 

I'm also very excited because after my friend from HS and I are run it, we'll hurry home and clean up and get on a plane to Vegas for a couple of days! We've never taken a trip like this together in the 18 years we've known each other, so we're both very excited and it will be quite the reward for us.

Ok, that's all for today.  Enjoy today, everyone!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Promises, Promises

Sorry, I couldn't upload the actual video (embedding wasn't allowed) but, you can listen anyway :)

So, I've made some promises that I haven't kept.  Namely, starting at the Y this week - this is what happened:
Monday morning I woke up with a killer headache and decided to take a personal day from work.  I went back to bed and slept another 4 hours and woke up feeling like a new woman, so I spent the rest of the day with J running errands, buying xmas presents, etc.  Since I'd been in Duluth all weekend, it was really great to spend the afternoon with him.  But...I did not go to the Y.
On Tuesday, my best friend's dad was in town and wanted to see us and the new house, so I hurried straight home after work to tidy up and...I did not go to the Y.
Tuesday night we got a pretty good storm, and I didn't want to deal with riding the bus, so I worked from home on Wednesday.  I had a doctor's appt Wednesday afternoon and...I did not go to the Y.
Thursday (yesterday), I was back at work with my normal schedule, but wanted to go straight home so we could get our xmas tree and...I did not go to the Y. 
Tonight, J is taking me out for my birthday (which is on Sunday), so I will not go to the Y. 

In fairness, this week was much busier than my normal week.  I think it's that way for all of us in December...there are holiday gatherings and family visits and life just gets busy.  Next week won't be much better for me - our family comes on Thursday night.  But, I've got nothing going on Monday or Tuesday night, so I'm putting trips to the Y on my calendar right now. 

I do want to share that I HAVE been rocking my water consumption! I've had 8 days in a row of meeting my water goal, so I'm really happy with that. 

I will try to update you all next week at least one more time before the holiday.  I'm taking the week of the 21st off of work, so likely there will be no updates that week, but I'll try...I'm not making any promises though ;-)

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Random stuff + a new goal...

So, there's this website I like to read called Texts From Last Night - if you ever feel like you're life is not that interesting, it's kind of fun to live vicariously through the people who post these texts and seem to live lives consisting only of endless drug and alcohol fueled parties.  Anyway, there was a quote I read today that made me think of my own Y fears:

(641): Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke from a water bottle all in one workout.

I just thought it was a funny mental image, and it actually made me feel better about the gym thing.  My membership starts on Monday :)  This weekend I'm going to pick up some secondary workout supplies that I can just keep in my locker there all the time and not have to schlep to work and back home. 


I'm always keeping my ears open for music I like for working out & last night I heard a song (on a Criminal Minds rerun) that fits the bill perfectly - it's called "Tres Cool" and is by Jupiter Rising, who I've never heard of before, but I am now a new fan.  The video isn't great, but the song is very catchy.  Especially the chorus.


I haven't done much in the way of small goal setting for a while, and I'm feeling like now is the right time.  I have not done well with several things to keep in line with my ultimate goal, but I'd like to just tackle one at a time.  The first that comes to mind is tracking what I eat, and although focusing on that would no doubt help me, I don't think starting that goal in December (when I have a birthday, xmas, and family coming in the next two weeks) is very realistic.

I've decided my small goal for the month of December is to drink my water everyday.  So, starting today, (12/3), my goal is to drink 64 oz of water everyday through 12/31.  Staying on track on the weekends will be a challenge, but i've got a very nice nalgene bottle that can come with me almost anywhere, and I have no plans of being any place where water is not readily available. 

My reward for accomplishing this goal is a 1 hr massage. 

I will keep you posted on my progress each time I blog - thanks for being there to keep me accountable :)

Today I've drank 32 oz and I just got a refill. :)


I did have a run scheduled today, but, actually, my ankle is still really sore.  I'm not really sure what I did to it, but ice alone has not helped, so I'm going to rest it over the weekend.  My plan is to run on Sunday if it feels better. 
I'd like to re-visit my MTM training schedule:
11/5-11/11 - Week 3 C25K

11/12-11/18 - Week 4
11/19-11/25 - Week 5
11/26-12/2 - Week 6
12/3-12/9 - Week 7
12/10-12/16 - Week 8
12/17-12/23 - Week 9
12/24-12/30 - Week 9
12/31-1/6 - Week 9
1/7-1/13 - Week 9
1/14-1/20 - Week 9
1/21-1/27 - Week 9

So, as you see above, my original plan had me at week 7 in the C25K training starting today.  Still being at week 4 ability, I am a full 3 weeks behind schedule - but, that's ok, it's been a tough month.  I'm adjusting the schedule and doing what I can do. 

Weekend Plans

This weekend, I'm making the annual trip to Duluth with my closest girlfriends.  We have one friend who moved up there a few years ago, and now it feels like kind of a tradition to visit her every winter.  Duluth is a cute town and we always have a great time.  I'm leaving tomorrow after work and coming back Sunday.  My only healthy goal for the weekend is to stick with my water goal, and that will be just fine :)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

BMI and the Y


So, I got to thinking about measuring my BMI. I’ve done it before, but never really put too much thought into it or considered the number very seriously. But, in the last week, I heard two different stories where people referenced their BMI being right at 25, which is the cusp for being overweight – anything higher than 25 is overweight, and anything over 30 is obese, so I thought I would take mine again. My current BMI is 35.2. Doing a little math, I figured out that at my height, I need to lose 5.8 lbs to drop one BMI point. I also figured out that when I was 150 (in that really good driver’s license photo), I was still above 25 BMI (just by a smidge, but still above). Imagine how good I’d look and feel if I was under that pesky little 25! Hm..just imagine…

The Y

So, after my tour at the Y Monday, I’m still really scared/nervous to sign up. Where is this hesitation coming from? Let’s make a list.

I’m afraid that:

1. I’ll pay this money and then not use it
2. I’ll be the fattest person there
3. I won’t like it
4. I won’t fit in
5. People will laugh at me
6. I will fail
7. I’ll be too busy and it will stress me out to go
8. I’ll be sweaty and embarrassed in front of people I work with

Now, let’s use our rational mind to respond to these fears:

1. This isn’t a lifetime commitment. If I’m not using the membership, or not getting my value out of it, I can cancel it.
2. At 200 lbs, I couldn’t possibly be the fattest person at the YMCA. And, even if I was the fattest person there, as long as I kept going, I wouldn’t be the fattest for long.
3. See #1. If I try it and don’t like it, I can cancel my membership. But, I won’t know if I like it until I really try it.
4. What’s to fit in with? It’s a gym, not a social club. I don’t have to make friends with anyone…I don’t even have to talk to anyone if I don’t want to. I’ll be there for me, not anyone else.
5. This isn’t 5th grade – if someone laughs at me for trying to get my health and body back, they are an asshole.
6. There is nothing to fail at – this isn’t a competition or a game. As long as I show up, I’m succeeding.
7. Too busy? I get off work at 4:00 and go home and waste 2 hours in front of the TV. I don’t have kids, my husband knows how to cook dinner. If I have one really busy day and can’t make it to the Y, it’s just one day.
8. Sweaty & embarrassed? I think I’ll just have to get over this one. Yes, I’m extra sweaty when I work out, but I need to stop dictating my life by what other people think of me. In one of my favorite movies, Point of No Return, there’s a scene where Dermot Mulroney is going through Bridget Fonda’s grocery cart and he says, “I guess it’s kind of embarrassing to have a stranger rifle through your groceries”, and she says, “Don’t worry about it. I don’t get embarrassed.” How I envy her.

So, where does this leave me?  The answer is pretty clear to me - I let my fears and "what ifs" hold me back all the time, and I know where it's gotten me.  This is an opportunity for action.  My membership will start next Monday & I'll be sure to update you with my adventures there.

Mississippi Ten Miler

Time for a little MTM update - I ran last night when I got home! Yay! I consider it a repeat of W4D1 and let me tell you, it was a challenge to get through it.  But, it felt good too.  I do have some weird ankle pain going on this morning, but I don't think it's anything a little ice can't cure.  Next run is scheduled for Thursday. 

I have more I could blabber on about, but I've got a bunch of meetings at work today, so TTFN!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Thanksgiving: the aftermath

Long Weekend Recap

Hello there, faithful readers! I’m back after a long, relaxing weekend. I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving holiday with your families :)

My weekend was very quiet, which I guess was much needed. Wednesday night, J and I met up with a couple of friends for sushi at Origami in Minneapolis. We went there for J’s birthday back in September, and I was again very pleased with our food. It’s still a tad on the pricey side, but we had some awesome sushi.

Thursday morning, we got up and made our way to Lake Como for a Thanksgiving 5K. Last year, we went downtown for the Lifetime Fitness Turkey Day 5k, but wanted a less crowded experience this year, so we opted for the Lake Como run, which has around 700 participants vs. the 7,000ish that were at the Lifetime run. We were also enticed by the fact that a few of our friends were also doing the Lake Como run. This run is put on by Charities Challenge. I’m not really sure what this organization does (aside from collect the can goods we brought on race day), but smooth coordinating of races is not one if its strong suits. I expected that with less than 1,000 participants, everything would run like a well oiled machine, but that was really not the case. I think they were really working with what they had, but what they had was not much. Regardless, it felt good to be outside getting our bodies moving in the cold wind, and that in itself is a success.

J and I didn’t have any Thanksgiving plans, so after the race, we headed back home and lay like vegetables the rest of the day. We did make some appetizers to graze on throughout the day (bruchetta as well as hot artichoke dip), and then we had a very nice fancy meal of king crab, asparagus, homemade bread, and sparkling wine for dinner.

Friday was more of the same – lounging around, not doing much but stopping to eat every once in a while. We skipped the Black Friday tradition this year because we didn’t see anything we really wanted to buy.

Friday afternoon, we went to see a matinee presentation of Fantastic Mr. Fox. Great movie. Really fun, good story, awesome animation. Not for the littlest of kids though – I would suggest kids that are at least able to read at a fairly quick pace, as there were several parts in the movie where I heard a kid say, “What does it say?!” and then a mom shout/whispering the words on the screen to the kid. Also, since it is based on a Roald Dahl book, you must expect that the content is not cutesy like Disney.

I wish I had more to report on the weekend, but alas, Saturday and Sunday were filled with more lying around, watching tv, and eating. In that respect, it was a relief to get back to work today, just to be back out in the world.

Mississippi Ten Miler

An update, as promised on the MTM. I did not run this weekend after the 5K – and just to make sure I’m not misleading you, I did not, in fact, run the entire way. No, I jogged about the first half mile and then mostly walked the rest, with small spurts of jogging in between. But, I was sore as hell for the next two days, so I did not run again on Saturday. I do have a planned run for tomorrow, Tuesday, however and I WILL let you know how it goes…I pinky swear.

The License, The Ring, and The Stairs

After hearing about my weekend, none of us should be surprised at what was on the scale this morning. How about a 4 lb gain? Honestly, I think I’ve come out of other Thanksgivings much worse, but as we had no family obligations, and I should have been able to get right back on track, I feel particularly unhappy about this one. For further evidence of my fatness, I present for your consideration:

My driver’s license. You see, my birthday is in two weeks, and it happens that this year, my driver’s license is set to expire on my birthday. I should have gotten a new driver’s license when we bought the house and moved, but I put it off and put it off because I really like my driver’s license picture and I do not want to have it retaken. I had it taken right after we got married and I legally changed my name. It was the only time I was able to put my *real* weight on my license and not be ashamed of it. I look at that picture and see 150 lb me smiling very happily back. I do not want to replace that picture.

Then, there’s my wedding ring. J and I have been married for 3 and a half years, and then engaged for about a year and a half before that, so I’ve been wearing this ring for the last 5 years. Over the last year, I’ve been having some problems with my finger getting sore and itchy underneath my ring, something that never happened in the previous 4 years. It finally dawned on me what else has happened in the last year: I’ve gained 20 lbs! My ring is too tight!! Holy Freaking Shit. This is how much weight I’ve gained now. I’m so fat, that my RING doesn’t fit anymore. Nice.

Finally, there is The Stairs. Today I decided to go over to the YMCA and check out what they have to offer. I’m sort of waffling about joining up, you see. A choice that should be crystal clear to me as of this moment, and I’m waffling. But, I digress. So, I get to the Y, and am very disappointed to learn that I have to climb a flight of stairs to get to the membership desk. It really was more like 2 flights, but whatever. The point is, guess who was winded after climbing 2 flights of stairs? You got it: Me. Huffing and puffing like I want to blow the place down.

So, what’s the point? I don’t know. There is no point really. None of this leads me to a conclusion that I didn’t already know. …

Monday, November 23, 2009

And...we're back!

Hello my loyal followers! I know, it's been ages since I've posted and I sincerely apologize for that.  I had an insanely busy couple of weeks at work and literally didn't have a moment to stop and blog.  I work at a computer all day and so when I get home, blogging is really the last thing I want to do, so I like to do it at work. 

I was all ready to get back into the groove last week, but it was a very sad week for me.  Unfortunately and unexpectedly, I had to put my kitty, Paris, down last Monday.  He was my very sweet friend and companion for 16 years and I miss him terribly.  The house is very empty and it's been an emotional time trying to adjust to life without him.  I would say more, but I'm already starting to cry again.

However, while I'm on the subject of Paris, I feel like mentioning that although the folks at the Animal Emergency Clinic were very kind and patient with me as I sobbed uncontrollably, they had a difficult time understanding that a boy cat could be named Paris.  Let me just say this: Paris is a boy's name.  Just ask Shakespeare or Homer (as in writer of the Iliad and Odyssey, not as in Simpson). 

But, now, just in time for Thanksgiving, things have calmed down enough for me to resume my blogging life.

Thanksgiving Plans

J and I don't have any family within 3 states of us, and since the family we do have is visiting at Christmas, we are on our own for Turkey Day this year.  Actually, I think this is the third year we've done our own thing.  I do kind of miss the traditional Thanksgiving celebration with annoying relatives and baking smells and busy-ness, but it's nice to have our own time too.  We usually have kind of a fancy meal (November is a great time for good king crab) and skip the normal turkey dinner stuff.  We haven't really decided what exactly we're going to do this year...yet.  It's kind of fun to drive around on Thanksgiving day and see if you can find one restaurant or coffee shop that is open.  When I was a kid, I used to have fantasies that everyone else in the world had vanished and I had it all to myself.  Most of the time, in these fantasies, I would go to the grocery store and eat whatever I wanted...imagine that, even as a kid I fantasized about food.  Anyway, if you don't have plans for Thanksgiving or Christmas day and you just drive around, you sort of get the feeling that you are the last person on earth and it is kind of neat. 

We are going to participate in a 5K on Thursday morning around Lake Como with a friend of ours who has agreed to run/walk it with me.  And, although I'm feeling very out of shape, I'm really looking forward to it. 

Mississippi Ten Miler

That reminds me, you need an update on my MTM training.  Well, honestly, there has been no training happening these last two weeks.  It's a good thing I padded my schedule because I really needed some down time.  I do have a run planned tomorrow (W4D1), and then Thursday's 5k also, so I'll update you on how those go. 

Time Flies

Doesn't time go by so quickly?  I look back on this last year and can hardly believe how fast it went.  In the last 12 months, I started a new job (This week is my one year anniversary with this company.  They've put a yellow star with the number "1" in it on my cube.  :), we bought a house and moved into it, thought about trying to get pregnant for a second, then J lost his job, and now Paris-cat died.  And through all of that, in the back of my mind has always been my weight...literally weighing me down.  Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if it wasn't one of my main concerns.  Where would I direct all the energy that I expend worrying and thinking about my weight? 

Friday, November 6, 2009


Whoo-hoo! We made it to Friday! This week has been really busy for me at work, so it's actually gone by really fast, but I'm always grateful for a Friday. :-)

Mississippi Ten Miler

I successfully completed W3D1 (week 3, day 1) of my C25K training schedule last night! It felt really good to get some activity again and I am so glad that I have you to keep me accountable.  I was really motivated knowing that you would be reading this today and knowing that I didn't want to post a "punk out". 

Next run will be Saturday morning. :)

Weekend Plans

We have a free weekend, which I am so excited about.  The weather is supposed to be beautiful.  After such a long, cloudy, cool October, I'm so happy to have temps in the low 60s. 

On Saturday, we're trying to get a group together to do a little winery tour down in the St. Croix Valley.  It might end up being just the two of us, but that's fine. 

Other than that, just normal house type stuff.  I'd like to get the garage cleaned out before it gets really cold, but that's about it. 

Ok, I've got a bunch of work to do today, so I've got to get to it and earn my Happy Hour tonight! Have a great weekend, everyone!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

"Sweet Jesus! It's ON!"

Those are the exact words of my best friend from HS.  She's coming to MN on Memorial Day weekend (that's May 30th, folks) and we are going to run a 10 miler.

"Wait a second", you say. "Is this another one of those things where you commit to doing a race and then don't train until the month before and then walk most of it?"

Now, now, I can see that it may sound like that, but I assure you, I really want to make a change here.  This is my chance to form a new habit - committing to a race...doing my training...and running it as I intend to.

So, from now on, every post will have an update titled "Mississippi Ten Miler" and I will update y'all on my training progress. 

It's ON!

Mississippi Ten Miler

For my first MTM post, since it's the middle of the day and I can't start running this very second, I'll tell you my plan:
1) Order back issue of Runners' World - a few weeks ago on my bus commute, I saw a girl reading a Runners' World issue for new runners.  I have dabbled in running a bit before, but I very much consider myself a "new runner".  It looked like a great issue and I totally wanted it when I saw it, so today I will order a back copy of it as part of my kick-off.
2) Couch To 5K (C25K) - I'm sure you've all heard of C25K.  It's kind of the go-to training schedule for new runners.  It's a 9 week schedule, but I'm going to pad that a bit in case I need to repeat any weeks, so I will allot 12 weeks to get through it.  Also, I'm going to start on week 3 because I feel I'm already at the fitness level of week 2. 

Here's my schedule w/ dates:
11/5-11/11 - Week 3 C25K
11/12-11/18 - Week 4
11/19-11/25 - Week 5
11/26-12/2 - Week 6
12/3-12/9 - Week 7
12/10-12/16 - Week 8
12/17-12/23 - Week 9
12/24-12/30 - Week 9
12/31-1/6 - Week 9
1/7-1/13 - Week 9
1/14-1/20 - Week 9
1/21-1/27 - Week 9

I plan to run on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.  After I've completed week 9, I want to repeat it for a few weeks so I am really comfortable running 3 miles before I start up training for the 10 miler.  I will post a new training plan/schedule after I complete week 9. 

Tonight is a run night & I'll update you tomorrow!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Three Little Things

Hey y'all.  Just a quick update because I've got a bunch of work to do today!!

Biggest Loser Update

First let me say, YAY! The Witch is Dead!  Well, ok, she's not dead, but she was finally voted off.  I was so happy to see Crazy Tracey go home last night.  I really couldn't take anymore of those bug-eyed looks she gives the camera.  And then she was on Leno too - I was wondering, she looked heavier on Leno than she did in her follow-up at the end of the show, what's up with that, I wonder?  Maybe it was just what she was wearing, I don't know. 

One last bit on her:  I am totally bitter that she weighed less than I do the last two weeks she weighed in.


A follow-up on my declarations from the other day:
1) Drink all my water - check!
2) Track what I eat on SparkPeople (SP) - check!
3) Post ugly Halloween picture - check! :-p

Three Little Things

So last night and this morning I did three little things that I haven't done in a while, but that I think are truly going to be the key to my success.
- Laundry - yes, I did some laundry last night and set aside my clean clothes to wear to work.  How could this be related, you ask?  Well, in the morning, I'm kind of crazy getting ready for work.  I could get up a half hour earlier and have a nice laid back morning, but I choose not to.  And one of the things that sucks up my morning time is finding something clean to wear to work and ironing it (sometimes just fluffing it in the dryer if I'm really in a crunch).  By doing that stuff last night, I saved myself a good ten minutes this morning, which gave me time to...
-EAT BREAKFAST! I was never a breakfast eater until J and I moved in together (6 years ago, or so).  He always, always eats breakfast and got me in the good habit of doing it too.  Now, I really can't function without a good breakfast, but lately instead of eating breakfast at home, I've been picking it up at the cafeteria at work.  They have some healthy options, but more often than not, I'm getting something with more calories than are necessary - and spending money that doesn't need to be spent.  So, this morning, with my extra time, I toasted myself a 100 calorie english muffin.  Added peanut butter and banana, and a glass of milk and I feel revved up and ready to go today.
-Pack Lunch - I've also been neglecting to pack my lunch as of late, which also means that I have not been packing my snacks.  So, while my english muffin was toasting, I packed up some leftovers from last night and 2 healthy snacks to eat during the day.  Today there will be no mental fight about where to go for lunch and what I should order vs. what I want to order. 

The moral of our story is, it only takes about 15 minutes in the morning to make and eat a healthy breakfast AND pack a lunch and snacks for the day - and those 15 minutes might make all the difference in this war.

Ok, I've got to get some work done! Happy Wednesday everyone! :)

Monday, November 2, 2009

Weekend Recap

Happy Monday, everyone!!

First, on Friday I left you with 3 declarations...let's follow up:
1) Drink all my water and then some on Friday - Accomplished! I drank 96 oz of H2O at work and then another couple of glasses at home in the evening - yay :)
2) Eat regular meals and healthy snacks while cleaning, cooking and decorating for party - This was a toughie, but I kept reminding myself of my declaration and forced myself to take a break from craziness and eat - Accomplished!!
3) Hungover or not, 40 minutes on the treadmill on Sunday - not accomplished...BUT, I have a good excuse, I promise! I skipped the treadmill because I spent 2 1/2 hours outside raking and bagging leaves! Whew! What a workout.  My back was achin'.  So, I give myself a pat on the back anyway :)

The Part-ay

I dare say, the party was a smashing success.  J mixed some great 80's and Halloween themed music and it seemed like everyone had a great time.  We had some awesome John Hughes characters including 2 John Benders (one of which was J), 1 Claire from Breakfast Club (me), 1 Allison AKA Basket Case from Breakfast Club, a Chet from Weird Science, Cruella DeVil from 101 Dalmations (Hughes wrote it, believe it or not), the naughty nurse from Ferris Bueller (complete with balloons), the Geek from 16 candles, and a few random 80's people. 

I fully intended to take some pics of the food, but I got distracted and didn't do it.  But, this is what we had:
Bat Wings - BBQ Chicken Wings
Eyeballs w/ crackers - Mozzarella balls with olives for eyes
Flesh on a cracker - Lox w/ cream cheese
Witch's Fingers - green cookies shaped like fingers
Carrot Cake Cupcakes
Pumpkin Dip w/ applies and ginger snaps
Black Punch - Grape + Orange Kool Aid + Ginger Ale

I planned on making the jello brain that I make every year, but this year, it just didn't set up at all, so that was a bummer. 

Lemoncello Tasting

Everyone also tasted the lemoncello - I was so excited to see what people thought.  The overall opinion was that the grapefruit flavor was much more mellow and less alcohol tasting than the lemon, but several people liked the flavor of the lemon better.  We made a good dent in our supply, but still have 4 full bottles left.  I should have given one or two away as prizes...


We took a lot of pictures of people in their costumes - me included.  I'm not saying this from a negative mental talk point of view (even though it may sound that way), but damn, I am fat.  I look like my mother's twin.  If my boobs get any bigger, they are going to need their own zipcode.   But, I am seeing a good side to this, really.  Drumroll please -

I feel ready to take action. 

I really do feel it, and even though it might be temporary, I'm going to grab on to it and hang on to this feeling for as long as I can.  Even though I've been having lightbulb moments here and there, and little glimmers of committment, I haven't felt really ready to make changes until now.  So, here we go...


After hearing a couple of recommendations, I joined SparkPeople.  I've only been on for a day, but already I am feeling like I like it a lot more than WW's site.  In fact, I'm cancelling my WW subscription today. 

I've been struggling with my thoughts about WW for a while.  On one hand, it was the plan I was most successful on.  But, that was 3 years ago.  It worked for me because I made it work, not because WW has some magic system.  I got really tired of it.  I got tired of going to meetings every Saturday morning.  I got tired of listening to the sales pitch of overpriced WW products every week.  But, I think most of all, I just started feeling like I was paying money and wasn't learning anything new.  I was never trying to get to the root of my problems.  It was the same old thing week in, week out. Year in, year out.  My two favorite meetings each year were the meeting the week before the MN State Fair, when they tell you all the points for the Fair food and the meeting the week before Thanksgiving when they give you a paper plate and you draw how much food you are going to put on your plate and the points for those foods.  So, why do I still have an online subscription?  Because I felt like if I cancelled it, I would be giving up and resigning myself to be fat forever.   I don't feel that way today, in fact, I feel quite the opposite - empowered. 

I do think SparkPeople is a bit overwhelming - there are a lot of options.  But, I think that it will be a really good change.  I'll keep you updated on it.


This morning on the radio, they played this clip, which I thought was laugh out loud funny:


So, my declarations went so well on Friday, I thought I'd make a couple more for today. 
1) Drink all my water today
2) Track what I eat on SparkPeople
3) Post picture of me at Halloween Party (this will be the hardest one for me to do)

I'll follow up tomorrow.  Have a great Monday!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Here I am!

Happy Friday everyone! I'm sorry I've been so absent in my posting.  Everyday I've been thinking, I need to catch up on my blog, but then the day gets busy and the opportunity is lost. 

Let's see...what's been going on? 

Work's been busy.  J had jury duty this week and had lunch w/ me a couple times downtown, so that was fun.  He also had an interview yesterday, so we're keeping our fingers crossed :)

Biggest Loser Update

A very emotional episode this week.  Everytime they show Abby's little girl, I cry.  I'm feeling less and less attached to Daniel and Shay.  In fact, I'll say it:  Daniel should have gone home this week.  Crazy Train didn't disappoint again this week...she's the go to for drama this season.  I can't wait til they get rid of her...

I am loving all of the time Jillian is putting in to get to the root of everyone's obesity.  It really gives me some good things to think about with my own story.


Have you been to Brasa? Of course you have, my little foodies! This summer they opened up a location on Grand Ave, which is practically right up the road from us.  It is quickly becoming one of my favorite go-to places for lunch or dinner.  I love the meat + sides served family style, and the food is always super tasty and just enough.   

Last week, some co-workers invited me to lunch with them at Trattoria Da Vinci.  Apparently, their pasta bar is very popular with the downtown St. Paul crowd, but after working down here for a year, I still hadn't tried it.  It's a pretty good value, for sure.  For $11 you get a HUGE (I'm not exaggerating here) bowl of pasta mixed with any kinds of veggies, meat, sauce you choose.  Seriously, it was enough for 3 good meals.  So, they've got the quantity, how about quality?  Eh, it was ok.  There was nothing bad about it, but it wasn't great either.  I actually felt really overwhelmed with all of the choices for ingredients you could add.  You also get bread, which the other people I was with raved about, but I thought was very average at best. 

Halloween Update

I LOVE Halloween, I must say.  Last night we went to a friend's house and carved pumpkins, which is pretty much an annual tradition.  I did a traditional Jack-o-Lantern and J, who always likes to do something different, carved "SAVE FERRIS" into his goes with our John Hughes theme for Saturday's party.

Yep, so most of the planning is done for Saturday.  We've got our costumes - I'll be Claire and J. will be Bender from Breakfast Club.  We're expecting about 20 people, which would be the biggest turnout yet for our party, so we're really excited about that.  We will be serving up all kinds of spooky and unhealthy fare, including bat wings, eyeballs, and a brain.  (I'll try to remember to post pics).


One thing I'm super excited about is for everyone to taste our homemade lemoncello.  We bottled it about 10 days ago and I've been having little sips almost everyday.  The flavor has definitely mellowed over time, so letting it sit was a good plan.

Weighty Stuff

Well, I really don't have much to report on my health goals or efforts, mainly because there haven't been any.  [Insert Excuse Here]  I've been eating crap, not exercising, and not feeling great....hmm...could there be a connection??? :-p

I'm going to make 3 goals/declarations right now.  1) I will drink all my H2O today and then some - I know part of my sluggishness is in my dehydration.  2) Tomorrow as I'm cleaning the house, decorating for the party, and prepping food, I will eat regular meals and healthy snacks.  3) On Sunday, hungover or not, I will get on the treadmill for 40 minutes - even if I just walk and do no running, I will be on the treadmill. 

Okay everyone, that's all for today.  I hope you have a really great Halloween.  :) :) :)

psst...I've already got 32 oz of water in...yay me :)

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Denial - it ain't just a river in Egypt....

This is a rare, Sunday post because I have some thoughts that have been turning around since last night. 

First, I have to say that last night we had an awesome time with some old co-workers of J's.  We had a great dinner at Brit's Pub in downtown Minneapolis, where they were celebrating St. Crispin's Day .  We all tried Crispin apple cider (FYI, Crispin is made right here in our fair city, folks) for the first time and I think all of us would give a hearty thumbs up - the honey crisp flavor in particular, was excellent. 

After dinner, we walked down to the real event of the evening - the first bout of the North Star Roller Girls season!!!  If you are in the mood for something totally crazy, cooky and fun, seriously, you've got to check out roller derby.  And do it quick, before Drew Barrymore makes it mainstream...

One more back story before I get to the point:  About 3 weeks ago, my boss had to be out of the office unexpectedly.  She told me that she had been recruited to "act" in a corporate video, and asked me if I would fill in for her in her absence.  (I work for a pretty big company & occasionally they do these videos that they show in various propeganda or big corporate meetings)  Of course, I don't want to leave my boss hanging, so I agreed, despite my aversion to being in front of cameras of any sort.  I HATE having my picture taken, but being on video is 1,000 times worse.  The one positive thing was that I was assured there would be no speaking parts.  It was me and four other people and we were supposed to act out a mock meeting where we all collaborated together.   How nice.  So, I get to the "shoot" and though a series of unfortunate events, end up sitting nearest the door.  The director shows up, and immediately picks me to do a little acting...I have to walk into the conference room like a big doofy moron who is late to the meeting because everyone else is already seated in the room (exactly how I would love to be portrayed to the whole company).  So, I do my little walk-in and then he also asks me to do another scene, where I'm standing behind two other women, bent halfway over, pointing at their laptop and then up at the projection screen.  I just know that this is the worst possible angle I could be shot at.  I have huge boobs and although I wasn't wearing a v-neck or anything close to that, I was imagining that on film, they looked as if they were about to smother the two other women.  Think 1940's sci-fi monster.  So, we finish the shoot, and I go back to my desk relieved that it is over. Then, I realize (with choking panic), this is going to be shown at this big department meeting (100+ people attending) in front of everyone...AND, I would have to see it.  Bad enough that it existed at all, but way worse if I would actually have to see it myself.  Fortunately, for me, I actually had a conflicting training to attend at the same time as the big meeting, so I have never actually seen the gruesome footage to date...

Ok, so my revelation is totally related, I promise.... 

Back to roller derby last night.  Near the end of the bout, one of our friends asked for a girl sitting near us to take our group's picture...dun, dun, dun....the dreaded picture.  Have I mentioned maybe once or twice that I HATE having my picture taken?  And like the video, what was particularly bad about this instance, was that he showed me the picture after he took it...ugh, I glanced and looked away as quickly as I could.  Remember, it's bad enough that someone else can see it, but it's way worse seeing it myself
All of a sudden, the thought popped into my head: 
"Looking away doesn't make you any less fat"

What kind of delusional, denial filled world do I live in that I think if I don't see the picture/video, I am helping myself in anyway?  Sure, maybe I'm sparing my own feelings for a moment, but I. am. still. fat.  And, unless I take actual, real, tangible ACTION, I will stay that way.  Fact.

Also, I might point out that even though I still can squeeze into the same size pants I wore 20 lbs ago, that doesn't mean that I don't look 20 lbs heavier. 

I feel sad.  This realization that I'm in denial makes me feel like the biggest dummy on the planet.  How could I be such a fool???  Why did I even let myself get to this point?

I also feel overwhelmed.  Armed with this knowledge, what will I do? Where will I even start?

Am I even capable of doing what I need to??

I'm going to say, with much hesitation and wavering in my littlest voice, "yes. i can do this"

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

One little thought

So, I should let you know, I actually started my earlier post late last week, and was sort of letting my thoughts about it steep for a bit before I posted it this afternoon. 

Now that I've read and re-read (and in parts, re-written), it's fresh in my mind again.  Anyway, I was trying to get back to work, when my mind wandered for about the millionth time today and I thought maybe I should head over to the vending machine for a pick-me-up.  The inner dialog went something like this:

"Maybe a twix would help me concentrate"
"Should you really be spending your money on that?"
"Well, no, but I have some change"
"What about your last blog post? I thought you were all committed again"
"i am, but i want a snack" (little, weak voice)
"That's not what our plan was"
"i know, but..."

It was at this point that I thought about Seinfeld.  There's this great episode where George decides to do everything opposite of what his instincts are.  He ends up getting a job with the Yankees and all this other good stuff happens to him.  Everything works out for Opposite George.  Maybe I need to try an Opposite Laura it at all possible that with time, my instinct will not be to go get a Twix? 

Changing the Story

Sorry, I have been incommunicado the last few days – not really a ton to report. I’ve been doing ok on my food choices, tracking most of the time. No activity in for a while, which is not good. I think that I feel weird about working out right after work when J is home…like I sort of feel like I should be spending time with him – it was easier to go down to the basement and hop on the treadmill when he wasn’t there when I got home. It’s a very shabby excuse, I know, but I’m working on it.

I had the most annoying baby cold last week. It started with a sore throat on Monday and Tuesday and then I got a little better on Wednesday, but yesterday, sore throat, cough and stuffy nose. It wasn't really bad enough for me to miss work or take anything for it (aside from some Advil and Halls, I guess), but it definitely had me feeling worn out and annoyed.

BL update

So, Tuesday’s episode of BL was probably the best so far this season – game play is definitely in full swing and there is no shortage of crazy. Tracey is such a nutcase, I can’t believe they didn’t want her gone. On the other hand, since Mo threw himself under the bus, they might as well take the opportunity to give him the axe now and know they can get rid of Tracey later.

I thought there were some really sweet gestures last week – Rebecca offering her video from home to Dina, and Liz giving Danny her video from home…I bawled when he was like, “That’s MY family!” Those three are definitely becoming my faves.

However, I thought the most interesting thing was the story around Dina. She was working out with Jillian & was supposed to jump up on this little platform, probably about a foot off the ground, and she just couldn’t do it. She would give these little half-assed girly jumps about 4 inches high and just was unable to bend her knees in the air and get on the platform. I found myself trying to will her to get up on that little stool. She seems so scared to just jump, and it seems so easy. It’s like her brain just does not want to allow her body to do it. Jillian talked with her about how she needs to change the story that is going through her head, or nothing in her life will change; she might lose the weight, but unless she gets past the mental things that are holding her back, she won’t be able to keep it off. This struck a huge chord with me.

When I think about the story that I have for myself, I see how I relive it over and over.  I was looking at some pictures of me on FB the other day and realized that in every picture, I know exactly what I was thinking at that moment.  I was thinking, "I hate having my picture taken because I'm so fat, but starting tomorrow, it's all going to change and next year at this event, I'll be at my goal."  I also know that after each of those pictures was taken, I made a beeline to the food table and had a piece of cake, or second helping of some kind of chip & dip, or another glass of wine.  And, after consoling myself with junk food, I forget about my mental resolution and continue my regular habits.  So, that's the story of how I make goals. 

That's not the only story I've got going on in this head of mine.  I also have a story about my fitness abilities.  I was never an athletic kid.  I had asthma and was allowed to use that as an excuse not to be physically active.  Truthfully, physical activity scares me a little.  A few years ago, I got a bee in my bonnet to run a 5k.  I trained and ran it and finished feeling really great about myself.  I've participated in several more since then, running two or three all the way through, but most of them, I've walked for at least part, if not all of it.  Now, this has become my story: I will sign up for a race, train for a few weeks (2 or 3), decide that my training isn't progressing how I think it should, stop training and when race day comes, I'll run as far as I can (which usually isn't far) and walk the rest.  Then, my physcial activity stops until I sign up for another 5k with the great aspiration of running the whole thing.  I never would call myself a failure for this behavior, because I rationalize that at least I'm getting out there and doing it, but I never feel accomplished afterward, so I let myself FEEL like a failure.  I know that I can get by without having to challenge myself too much, so I don't.  How can it be that I'd rather feel like a failure than push myself out of my comfort zone? 

So, now I know about two paths I have carved out for myself - I'm sure there are more.  But, the real question is, how do I change these?  How do I let go of the behavoirs I'm comfortable with?  How do I take what I know and rewrite my story?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Motormouth Monday

Happy Monday, world! It is a snowy morning in St. Paul. And, if you want to know a secret, I'm kind of excited about it. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm bummed about hardly having any fall at all, and I will get very sick of winter come mid-January, but I did get a little tingle of excitement this morning seeing those big fluffy flakes falling.

Weekend Recap

Had a pretty nice weekend, actually. Friday night we had planned to stay in, but decided to go up to North Minneapolis to watch the Twins’ game with two other couples. It was a heartbreaker of a game. I’ve never really had strong thoughts about this before, but now I can unequivocally say, “I hate the Yankees”. Jeter is so freaking smug, I can hardly stand it. I really was wishing for him to catch a ball right in the kisser.

Saturday, I slept in a bit and then had some Steel Cut Oats for breakfast – J made them overnight in the slow cooker and it was so nice to wake up on a chilly morning with snow on the lawn and the warm smell of oatmeal and dried fruit filling the kitchen. It’s an Alton Brown recipe – I’m sure you could Google it if you are intrigued.

After breakfast and lying around a bit, we drove down to Burnsville to check out the new Becker Furniture Outlet. We still need some furniture for our house. Mostly I’ve been looking on Craigslist, but haven’t had a ton of luck there, so we made yet another trip to a furniture store. I’m not a huge fan of furniture stores anymore and will be very thankful when we have no need to buy any more. No luck with furniture this weekend though.

On Friday, J had an appointment with a recruiter, and couldn’t find his dress shirt, suit pants or dress shoes. We gave the house a good once over and still couldn’t find them and concluded they must have been a) lost in the move or b) left in Rome when he went there for work in May. So, we went to the suit store and got him a really nice new suit, two shirts, and two new ties. He rarely has occasion to wear a suit, and the last one he’d had for 10 years, so it was time for an update anyway.

Saturday night, two of J’s, now former, co-workers took us out to dinner at Roat Osha in Uptown. It was okay – slightly better than average, I guess. We had a fried tofu red curry, which was not really spicy or flavorful enough for me. I didn’t try the Pad Thai. We also ordered beef skewers, which were very tasty. I was surprised that it’s a sister restaurant to Tum Rup Thai, which I had really enjoyed when we went there a couple of years ago.

After dinner, we headed over to Moto-I to play some bumper shuffleboard – super fun. If you haven’t been to Moto-I, definitely give it a try. It’s a sister restaurant to The Herkimer , just down the street, and it’s easy to tell - if the Herk was an Asian place, it would be Moto-i. If you go, ask for the honey martini – I’m sure it has another name, but I don’t know what it is…they drizzle honey in the glass and then make a martini with saki (made in house, I believe) and vanilla Stoli, then rim the glass with cinnamon and sugar – yummy!

After that, we decided it would be fun to see the midnight showing of Shawn of the Dead at the Uptown Theater. We’re pretty sure that Saturday was the zombie bar crawl, because we saw several groups of zombies out and about. As a result, we thought SOTD would be packed, but it was quite the opposite. We bought our tickets and went across the street to Zeno for a snack and coffee before the movie. Had this awesome flatbread with figs on it – really, really tasty.

SOTD was great, and I only took two little naps during :-) I don’t remember the last time I was up til 3:00 in the morning.

Yesterday was a nice lazy day in the house. I did some cleaning and found J’s lost suit pants and shirt in a laundry basket all ready to go to the dry cleaners. Oh well, he needed a new suit anyway.

Last night was J’s first curling game of the season and they got off to a great start. It was a fun game. I divided my time between watching them curl and watching the Twins lose to the Yanks again.

Wow, that was quite a long weekend re-cap!

What do I want?

So, I was doing some thinking about what I want and where my desires come from. I think a lot of my desires come from what I *think* I should want. I’m so out of tune with myself, that I don’t even know if what I think I want is truly coming from me, or if it’s from an outside influence. And, I’m so often wishy-washy about my goals, I wonder if it’s because of that. So, how do I know what I want?

Things I think I want:

• I want to feel energetic, healthy, and attractive
• I want to feel successful, a sense of accomplishment
• I want to be admired

It occurs to me, as I write this list, aren’t these things what everyone wants? Of course, I want to be healthy, of course I want to be successful – and I do think that achieving my weight loss goal will help me fulfill these desires – however, there must be something that holds me back, it seems like it would be so obvious to keep myself on a path that leads me to the above things, why do I choose not do it?

Perhaps I have *conflicting* goals.
Possible conflicting goals:

• I want to be comfortable
• I want to be comforted
• I want to be indulged
• I want to be fun

I’m starting to see these lists as two versions of me. The first list is my grown-up, serious self. The second list is the petulant adolescent self. Is there some way for me to have goals that satisfy both of these versions? Is there some balance that can be achieved to appease the whiny teenager when she says, “I don’t want to eat healthy, I want to eat the tastiest thing on the menu!” or “I don’t want to run, I want to watch television!”? How can I get the adolescent to grow up? And how can I get the grown-up to chill out a little?

Today, I’d like to work on formulating a goal that can help me achieve this balancing act – something that allows me to feel like I’m making progress, but I’m not taking away my own freedom.

This has been a very long post – thanks for hanging in there!! Have a great Monday!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

life, in a nutshell

hello, my little twisters.  well, things are getting a little better at our house - starting to come to grips with J's career change and starting to feel a little more normal to have him home all day long.  i used to always be the first person home in the afternoon, so it's kind of weird to have him there when i get home.

one of my favorite bnl songs is playing on my pandora station right now:  "life, in a nutshell"  - favorite verse:
"i fell down,
with no one there to catch me from fallin',
then she came around,
and only
her tenderness
stopped me from bawlin'
my eyes out - i'm okay."

steven page, i love your voice. seriously.

the reason i'm here

i've been doing ok on my health/fitness goals this week.  haven't been too bad with my eating - mostly because i'm trying not to spend unnecessary money on junk food at work.  i have not, however, been writing down my food choices, i hope to get back into that groove next week.  i also have not been working out. at all.  so, i would like to get back into that swing again also -  i just need to gear myself up a bit for it.  so, i'll start gearing up now...i will run on saturday.  i will run on saturday. i will run on saturday...

biggest loser update

how about biggest loser on tuesday?  i've said it before and i'll say it again: tracey is a nutter!!! she does that wide-eyed, crazy woman look and i just want to smack her upside the head.  i'm hoping she gets the heave-ho next week. i do like the girls on the pink team, but i'm getting really sick of hearing, "america picked me, so i owe it to them..." i actually voted for the other girl at last season's finale, anyway.  i think i'm going to be an orange team fan.  daniel seems like a sweet kid & i hope he gets rewarded for all the hard work he's done already. 

lemoncello (or limoncello if you want to be snooty about it)

so, i mentioned earlier this week that i was going to start making a batch of homemade lemoncello.  after reading some blogs that all claimed to have the BEST recipe, i found one that sounded good and started two batches last night.  i did one batch of lemoncello and one batch of grapefruitcello. 
10 organic lemons
1 liter Everclear

4 organic grapefruit
1 liter Everclear

i zested the fruit, careful to avoid the pith and added the zest to the Everclear.  now, it's supposed to sit for 4 days - 2 weeks.  we're hoping to do a taste test at our halloween party, so i think what i'll do is let it sit for 2 weeks, until the 21st, and then add the simple syrup, bottle them and let them sit another 10 days until the halloween party.  i'm a little skeptical about how the grapefruit is going to turn out.  i think i should have used ruby red grapefruit, but i just used the normal grapefuit that Trader Joe's had.  we'll just have to see, i guess.

halloween party

so, i mentioned our halloween party.  i like planning and i like pleasing people, so hosting parties is really something i enjoy.  we've had an "annual" halloween party for i think 3 years...we skipped last year because we were out of town for J's brother's wedding.  so, i'm looking forward to having it this year. plus, it's the first year in our huge house, instead of our tiny apartment.  the theme this year is in memory of the late, great John Hughes.  so, everyone can come dressed as a John Hughes character.  i think i have a pretty good idea for a costume, but i'll keep it a surprise. besides, i'm not sure if i can pull it off.

well, that's about all that's going on with me.  weigh-in tomorrow morning! and tomorrow's friday...i need a weekend in the worst way...


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Shitty day

Well, perhaps the universe read my post from yesterday and thought, "Hey, looks like Laura is in need of some stress, it appears she's bored."  I got a big dose of stress yesterday afternoon.  J, my wonderful husband, lost his job.  We're both very sad about it.  He really liked his company and we felt like he could really be there for the long haul, and now it just seems like he's been dumped out of the blue.  It was very unexpected and we're still in shock.  We just bought our first home in May and now to have one of us without a job is scary to say the least.  Luckily, we're savers, so we do have an emergency fund, but it doesn't make this any easier emotionally. 

On the upside, now that I need to be more mindful about my spending, I think it will contribute to being more mindful about my eating too.  Cutting back on eating out will be a big money saver for us. 

I don't really have much else to say, life will get back to normal eventually...i just hate that i don't know when. 

Monday, October 5, 2009

Back in the saddle?

Ok, I had a not so great week last week.  You know, there was nothing really going on in my life that made me too busy, or too emotionally taxed, but I just was not on track with my goals.  I had a great week one, and then a rough week two.  I feel guilty that there was really no reason for me to not be making good choices.  It should have been just a regular week.  And, then, you know what? I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm still down 2 from my starting weight - that actually makes me feel more guilty - like I should be punished for not being on plan.  But, I am grateful too that I haven't undone all my hard work from week one. 

Had a pretty fun weekend.  On Friday night J and I went to Zombieland.  As a Shaun of the Dead fan, I didn't love Zombieland - but, you get what it promises, nothing more.  There's lots of zombies and it's fun and silly and the cameo is really good.  But it wasn't great. 

After the movie, we had dinner at Flame in Roseville.  Average food, average atmosphere, average service, but great late happy hour prices.  I enjoyed two glasses of wine for the price of one, so that was a plus.  The highlight of the meal was DIY smores for get to roast your own marshmallows.  It was fun. 

Saturday, my friend's little girl had her 5th birthday party, so I went over in the morning to help decorate a bit.  I left before the other kiddos got there, because J and I had some errands to run.  We drove to Hudson, WI to buy some Everclear because I've decided to make homemade lemoncello and apparently Everclear is better to use than vodka.  I'll let you know how it turns out :)

Saturday night, we met up with some friends for dinner.  Stayed out and had a few too many drinks and was feeling the pain on Sunday morning.  J doesn't really drink and isn't used to dealing with drunk people and was pretty scared I was going to puke in his car on the way home.  After this episode, I've decided to take a step back from drinking.  First of all, it makes me feel like shit the next day.  Second, it's just empty calories.  Third, I make poor eating decisions when I drink.  So, no more nights out like that for a while. 

Last night I dreamt I was running.  It was really easy and fun and I could run and run and run.  Will it ever be like that in real life?

My goal for today is to stay on track with food choices, and drink a ton of water.  I want to run tomorrow. 

I hope people are reading this.  Starting to feel kind of silly about posting to an empty room.  The blogging equivilant of talking to myself. 

Thursday, October 1, 2009


I didn't write yesterday because I didn't really have anything interesting, or nice, to say.  I've been in a funk all week.  And one funk day has just led to another and another for me.  I'm tired and cranky and feeling lonely and unmotivated.  My weight has been creeping up on the scale too.  I know that in order to feel better, I need to get back on track, cease the negative self-talk, and get some activity in, but the whiney 4 year old part of me just wants to wallow in it for a bit. 

I already had a chocolate chocolate chip muffin for breakfast this morning and I'm trying not to think that my day is shot.  I used to have a WW leader who would say, "If you accidentally break one dish, do you then go to the cupboard and break all the rest?"  Of course not.  One bad meal doesn't have to mean that I can't make good choices the rest of today.  Even if I don't feel like it.

Today is October 1st.  Time will march on even if I don't stick to my plan.  Time won't stop because I'm mopey. 

There will be shitty days.  There will be days I don't feel like running.  There will be days when I want to eat a whole pizza.  There will be awesome days.  Days that I feel like I could run a little further.  Days when I can easily say no to a slice of pizza.  But, most of the time, there will be so-so days, where choices are small challenges, but not insurmountable. 

I'll get out of this funk soon.  Maybe what I need is a fun weekend....

BL was awesome on Tuesday - lots of drama, which I love.  That Tracey is Looney Tunes! She's got the crazy eyes for sure.  She's really the only person I don't like.  Orange team, pink team, and green team are all starting to stand out to me.  Every season I wonder if I'll have that one person I really start to root for (like last season's Tara), who will it be this season?

So, I listened to some more of "Skinny Bitch" on tape.  I got to the second disk before I couldn't take anymore.  I just found it really condesending, harsh, and just plain annoying.  I've dabbled in vegetarian and dairy-free diets before, but for me, it's just not a realistic or balanced way to eat.  The great thing about trying to be vegetarian is that it exposed me to lots of great low cal, alternatives to meat that I probably would never have tried otherwise.  Now, I'm listening to a Lewis Black book on tape.  He's hilarious.  So, it's like I've traded a bitchy, snooty girl yelling at me for Lewis Black yelling at me...a great trade in my opinion.

Well, that's about all for today.  Friday is almost here...ugh, time flies.  :-p

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Hunger sneaking up on me

I had a bit of a tough night last night.  Had planned my run, even got to the point of tying my shoes and then the fear hit.  I just didn't want to do it.  And I didn't.  Part of it, besides the fear I think, was that I was hungry.  In hindsight, I could have just taken five minutes to eat an apple and maybe the night would have turned out differently.  But, I didn't. 

Instead of running, I decided to get started on dinner and do some housework.  I planned to make split pea soup - which I love and is perfect for this cooler weather we're having.   But, what stinks is that it takes about 2 hours to make.  This wouldn't really have been an issue, but I was already hungry.  Overly hungry = binge eating.  The binging wasn't as bad as it could have been, for sure, but it certainly made me feel guilty and there was some inner negative talk going on.  So, while the soup was cooking, I ate a serving of Easy Mac, a special K bar, and a tablespoon of peanut butter.  After the peanut butter, I caught myself trying to come up with creative concoctions to make healthy ingredients unhealthy, and snapped myself out of it. 

I'm not great at recognizing when I'm hungry.  Sometimes, I'll realize that I'm thinking about food a lot, and that's a cue for me, but more often than not, I'll just be going about my life and all of a sudden hunger will hit me like a ton of bricks.  And it's ravenous hunger.  I rarely feel when I'm just starting to get hungry.  I'm hoping that with time, I can get better at that. 

So, I overate and didn't exercise last night.  It is what it is.

I started "Skinny Bitch" yesterday and listened some more this morning during my bus commute.  It's pretty harsh, but there's not a lot of info that's a surprise to me.  So far, it's been about not putting sugar or chemicals into your body.  There's a lot of praise for organic foods, and a lot of criticisim of overly processed foods and artificial sweeteners.  I'm not a smoker, occasionally drink coffee, and I rarely drink soda, so the critiques on those issues didn't really bother me.  I'm not sure I'm ready to totally cut high fructose corn syrup or asparatame totally out of my diet, but I figure it can't hurt to be more aware of what is in what I'm eating. 

Biggest Loser is on tonight - I know, I'm a sap, but I love it.  I don't love any of the contestants so far this season...we'll see how tonight goes.  I know I'll get invested in it. 


Monday, September 28, 2009

Saturday's sushi and other stuff

Well, it's a cool, blustery fall morning in the Twin Cities today.  It feels good, but I also feel like we were a little cheated out of a real summer - it was really cool most of June and we just didn't have a ton of sunny days this year.   Don't get me wrong, I do LOVE fall though. 

I'm super dehydrated this morning, I didn't drink near enough water yesterday.  We were out and about looking for an area rug for our living room.  Unfortunately, we went to about 8 stores and no dice.  I'm going to do some looking online..maybe CL or ebay will have something for us. 

So, Saturday night we went out for sushi at Origami to celebrate J's and our friend Beth's birthdays.  It was a really fun time.  J wanted to order "omakase", which basically means it's chef's choice.  It was pricey, but we got a TON of food and got to try some really different things that I definitely wouldn't normally have tried.  We had sea urchin for the first time, which we both agreed was very strange - it's a paste like consistancy and has an almost musty taste to it.  Also tried toro, which was like a really fatty tuna and that was really good.  Everyone else got a bunch of rolls to share and seemed really happy.  So, my opinion on Origami is definitely better after our second visit, but I still prefer Saji-ya on Grand. 

Sundays are our grocery days, so usually Sunday mornings I plan out our main meals for the week and write up a shopping list.  I like having a plan (remember, I'm a great planner) and not having to wonder what I'm going to eat for dinner when I get home.  Anyway, the last 4 weeks or so, I've been on the lookout for a new Special K bar my co-worker told me about - Chocolatey Pretzel.  If you are a sweet/salty fan, this is the snack for you!  Finally, yesterday they appeared at Cub!  I was so excited, I bought two boxes.  They aren't nutritionally signficant in anyway, and have no fiber to speak of, but they are super tasty and at 90 calories great substitute for a vending machine snack. 

Today I'm starting a new audio book, "Skinny Bitch" by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin.  My old hairdresser had recommended it, and I thought I would give it a try.  I'll let you know what I think.

Well, that's about all I've got for today.  I've got another C25K run planned for tonight - no hesitation creeping in yet!

Saturday, September 26, 2009


So, last night when I got home from work, my plan was to do a C25K run before we went to dinner.  I distracted myself with wrapping J's bday gift and doing a load of laundry and decided to skip the workout.  This morning when I woke up I thought, "I should run today, but maybe I'll just walk".  That's when it hit me, I was afraid of doing my run.  This happens to me frequently, actually.  I find myself hesitating when I think about doing my planned runs.  Of course, there's no logical reason for me to fear running.  Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but not really enough to incite fear.  I think this is one of my key issues and that it's tied into not challenging myself.  But, now, I know I can be on the look-out for those feelings of hesitation and be aware of where they are coming from.  So, this morning, I faced my fear (sucked it up) and did the run I had planned for last night - it went great! One of those runs that gives you the adreneline rush at the end. :-)

Dinner last night at K-Wok was really good. It's right down on Riverside across the street from the Acadia Cafe.  Apparently, K-Wok has been in business for 15 years, but under new ownership for the last 7 months.  It's also the only restaurant in town that serves Filipino food.  It's not fancy, but the food was great - we had lumpia for an appetizer, I had a Malaysian beef curry dish and J got a pork dish in a tomato sauce.  For dessert, we had turon and halo-halo, which were both awesome.  It was a ton of food.  We have enough leftovers for two more meals. The service was slow, as they only had one waiter (who I also believe is the owner), but we weren't in any hurry.  The waiter/owner (Ramon) was very kind and he talked with us for a while after our meal.  If you are looking for authentic Southeast Asian food, this is the place to try.

Our plan for today is to buy an area rug for our downstairs living room.  It's very echo-y in there and I'd like to try to make it a little more homey.  Then tonight is SUSHI! Super excited!! 

Friday, September 25, 2009

Asian Food Birthday Weekend

Friday is here at last! I've been doing really well this week with food, water, and activity.  I'm pretty proud of my efforts.  Of course, weekends are always a challenge, but I'm trying to keep in mind that perfection isn't my goal.  There will always be distractions, celebrations, happy hours, bad days etc.  I want to stop using these as excuses to not be mindful about what I eat, but also not punish or berate myself when life happens.  It's a delicate balance between the two for me.    

Today happens to be J.’s 31st birthday, so at his request, tonight we’re heading to K-Wok: on the West Bank. We’ve never been, but the reviews online look pretty good – plus, it’s the first place we’ve found in the ‘Cities that serves Filipino food, so J. is ultra excited.

Tomorrow night, we’re going to Origami for sushi with a group of friends to celebrate 2 birthdays (J.’s and our friend Beth’s). Perhaps a movie afterward, but mostly pretty low key.

I plan to do a C25K run when I get home tonight.  My food goal for the weekend is to make conscious choices about what I eat and write it all down. I’ll keep you updated. :)

Before I go for today, I wanted to share that this very moment, I have just finished one of my fave treats from the old folks at Caribou Coffee!

A junior sized Caramel Northern Lite Cooler!! It’s a perfect late afternoon pick-me-up and so so yummy!

TTFN! Have a great weekend!

Thursday, September 24, 2009


It seems to be strange to think about people actually reading this little blog. It makes me feel both flattered and exposed. However, I’m starting to learn that things that make me uncomfortable are also good challenges, so I’ll risk the exposure.

I’ve been trying to lose weight pretty much my entire adult life, sometimes succeeding, but most times it was more of a “I wish I was thinner” thought process rather than a plan in action. I’m a great planner. I could make the plan, but always fell short on execution. I couldn’t count how many times I’ve planned out exactly what I would need to do to lose weight…starting Monday, of course. Each time telling myself, yes, it would be regimented, but absolutely necessary to stick to the plan 100% or this time would be a failure again.

I don’t like thinking of now as a this time. I don’t want to say that this time will be different, this time I’ll follow through. Maybe partly because if there is a this time, does that mean there will be a next time? Having a this time implies that this is a short time period in my life and it has an ending. This path that I’m embarking on doesn’t have an ending. There is no finish line. That is a scary thought – but no one said adventures were easy!

So, a little about me! My name is Laura. I’m 31 and I live in St. Paul, Minnesota with my husband (J.) and the prettiest kitteh in the world (Paris). I love going out to eat and drink with friends, and seeing what the ‘Cities have to offer, so you’ll probably see me chat about that from time to time. I also love books, television and movies, which will also be a topic here, but mainly, I plan to write about my struggles and goals with weight and fitness.

This is my first blog, but I hope you find it interesting and supportive and I wish you the best of luck on your own journey! Thanks for reading!