I had a bit of a tough night last night. Had planned my run, even got to the point of tying my shoes and then the fear hit. I just didn't want to do it. And I didn't. Part of it, besides the fear I think, was that I was hungry. In hindsight, I could have just taken five minutes to eat an apple and maybe the night would have turned out differently. But, I didn't.
Instead of running, I decided to get started on dinner and do some housework. I planned to make split pea soup - which I love and is perfect for this cooler weather we're having. But, what stinks is that it takes about 2 hours to make. This wouldn't really have been an issue, but I was already hungry. Overly hungry = binge eating. The binging wasn't as bad as it could have been, for sure, but it certainly made me feel guilty and there was some inner negative talk going on. So, while the soup was cooking, I ate a serving of Easy Mac, a special K bar, and a tablespoon of peanut butter. After the peanut butter, I caught myself trying to come up with creative concoctions to make healthy ingredients unhealthy, and snapped myself out of it.
I'm not great at recognizing when I'm hungry. Sometimes, I'll realize that I'm thinking about food a lot, and that's a cue for me, but more often than not, I'll just be going about my life and all of a sudden hunger will hit me like a ton of bricks. And it's ravenous hunger. I rarely feel when I'm just starting to get hungry. I'm hoping that with time, I can get better at that.
So, I overate and didn't exercise last night. It is what it is.
I started "Skinny Bitch" yesterday and listened some more this morning during my bus commute. It's pretty harsh, but there's not a lot of info that's a surprise to me. So far, it's been about not putting sugar or chemicals into your body. There's a lot of praise for organic foods, and a lot of criticisim of overly processed foods and artificial sweeteners. I'm not a smoker, occasionally drink coffee, and I rarely drink soda, so the critiques on those issues didn't really bother me. I'm not sure I'm ready to totally cut high fructose corn syrup or asparatame totally out of my diet, but I figure it can't hurt to be more aware of what is in what I'm eating.
Biggest Loser is on tonight - I know, I'm a sap, but I love it. I don't love any of the contestants so far this season...we'll see how tonight goes. I know I'll get invested in it.